You’re Sober. Now What?

If you are newly sober, I want to take a minute to congratulate you for making what may be the best decision of your life. For many who struggle with alcohol addiction, we are forced to make this choice based on the mess we created in our lives. For me personally, there really was no other option. I’m sure I could have dug my bottom much deeper, but I think when you get to the point where you don’t want to live anymore that’s deep enough.

Deciding to get sober is only the first step of many steps to come. I can’t provide you with the actual number of times that I personally tried to quit drinking over my twenty-two-year career as an alcoholic but what I can tell you is that it was a lot. Here’s the thing… quitting was the easy part. If you don’t believe me then ask yourself this. How many times did you declare either to yourself or to others, “That was the last time! I’m done!” Right there you made a choice that you were never going to drink again. Maybe you even followed this declaration up with a dry January, a bet with a friend, or for a short period of time, you adopted a new healthy lifestyle as someone who consistently eats well and goes to the gym. Sound familiar?

From what I have personally experienced and witnessed in this journey of recovery is that the hard part is staying sober. I have watched many people try this new way of living over the 10 years I’ve spent in recovery. They start to put their lives back together and become productive members of society. This may also be an exciting time for many and in the recovery community, we call this excitement, “The Pink Cloud.” So, what happens when this pink cloud bursts? Because it does. We get complacent and life happens. Shit hits the fan and suddenly, our foundation has been rocked and we begin to feel as though we are standing on very shaky ground. What would make us feel better? Hmmm, perhaps a drink might do the trick. After all maybe this time things might be different. Or will they?

This single thought can lead to a decision that can destroy the life of someone living sober. It’s not often when we’re able to drink again as others do. I’m talking about the kind of drinking when you can go to a restaurant, order a glass of wine and leave the restaurant with wine still in the glass. This still baffles me by the way. How can someone walk away without finishing the whole thing? But in most cases, people go right back to where they left off quickly and then continue to dig past what they thought was their rock bottom.

So how do the rest of us who have experienced long-term sobriety stay sober?

We work at it daily!

Before I continue, I want to state that I can only speak from my own personal experience and from the experience of talking to many others in recovery. And what I mean by living in long-term recovery is not just being sober. I know many dry drunks and personally, I don’t want to live that way. I mean living an alcohol-free life where you continue to grow, adapt, and evolve. One in which you are fulfilled and don’t need alcohol as a means to numb your emotions.

Let’s jump into it!

For me personally, the most important aspect of developing long-term recovery has been building a solid foundation. This isn’t something you do once by the way. I mean would you buy a new house and never renovate or do any upkeep? No, you probably wouldn’t because then your home would start to fall apart, and the bills would be astronomical. I look at my recovery the same way. To keep our sobriety stable we need to always work on keeping the foundation strong.

The way I built a sober foundation in recovery was through a 12-step program. I realize this isn’t for everyone, but I was desperate enough to give it a try before I mocked it because the only thing I knew for sure is that I didn’t want to go back to my old way of living. The 12-steps allowed me to change my beliefs, have faith in something greater than myself, and take responsibility for the life I had created. Once I learned how to clean up my mess, I started to own my part and make my wrongs right. This was a humbling experience for me because it didn’t exactly feel good to hear that I had hurt others in the ways I did. Well, self-awareness is a gift and sometimes the truth hurts. But knowing the truth is one of the ways we can begin to heal and make changes. Resentments and secrets will kill us so it’s time to clean that shit up.

After I took those first few steps, I learned how to work with others. This is a step that still blows my mind. I am allowed to pass on what was so freely given to me and in turn, I get to stay sober! WHAT! Mind-blowing! But it works and it works well. When we focus on others it brings us out of ourselves. All too often we get stuck in our heads and our throughs can drive us to do crazy things. But what if we’re thinking about how we can serve others…worth a try!

It’s also important to be mindful of the language we use. We attract what we think about whether we like it or not.

One thing I want to state is that relapse does not have to be a part of our story. I hear it said often that relapse is a part of recovery. I am grateful I wasn’t told that early on in my sobriety because for someone like me with an alcoholic brain that would have put the idea in my head that I get a free pass. The reality is that for many of us when we use that pass we don’t get a second chance. I have seen far too many people relapse and lose their lives to this terrible disease. Does that mean that people should feel ashamed about relapsing? Absolutely not! For some, it’s just part of their process. Everyone’s path can look different. Sometimes we’re just not ready to stay sober.

I am grateful to say that relapse has not been a part of my story…yet! I say yet because if I stop doing the things I mentioned above I could easily go there. So instead of saying that relapse is a part of recovery why don’t we start telling people that relapse doesn’t have to be a part of their story? Just a thought.

The next part of creating long-term recovery was starting to associate with those who had it. In my early years, I spent a lot of time with people who were just as sick as I was. Many of those people are not even alive today and that is just a sad reality of what happens to those who can’t stay sober. I started to surround myself with people who had what I wanted. This involved me really getting into the center of my recovery. It became my world and most of the friends I hang out with today are also walking this journey. Many try to do this alone and I highly advise against it.

Time to find your purpose.

One of the other things that completely transformed my recovery was discovering my purpose. I had always felt like I was meant for more but had no idea what that more was or how to find it. I always assumed that my past would follow me around in a negative way. After all, I was only an alcoholic, who would take me seriously. I learned very quickly that our past is a gift that we can use to help others. Discovering this purpose has allowed me to do things I never thought possible.

In less than one year I started my business, created a podcast, wrote 2 books, and left my corporate job to pursue my passion full time. I don’t say this to brag, I say this because had you told me I would accomplish these things when I was still in my first year of sobriety, I would have told you you’re insane! I barely graduated high school. This journey has been crazy scary at times because I feel like I’m so far out of my comfort zone that I’m in a different country! But it’s been worth it and today as a result I have created a life so good for myself that I never want to go back to my old way of living.

Here’s the thing. We are all capable of so much more than we think, and the best part is we never have to do this alone. Relapse does not have to be a part of your recovery journey and if it has been, you have the power to stop that cycle. It just takes some work, community, and a shift in your beliefs.

Do you want to learn more about how you can live in long-term recovery? Listen to the You’re Sober! Now What? Podcast or join us in the Connected Calm Life Community!

TIME TAKES TIME: This is a monthly panel hosted by Connected Calm Life Coach & Sober Curator Lane Kennedy. On the 1st Thursday of every month, you can listen to or watch one full hour of content featuring a rotating panel of guests who are in long-term recovery from substance abuse disorders. Our definition of long-term recovery is 10+ or more years.

You can also check out the TIME TAKES TIME series on YouTube

Need even MORE TIME? We’ve got you! Check out the TIME TAKES TIME merch on shopthesobercurator.com

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