Witty Comebacks When Someone Asks Why You’re Not Drinking | The Sober Curator

January 21, 2023

It’s important to remember that everyone has the right to make their own choices about alcohol consumption and that others should respect those choices. That being said, here are a few lighthearted comebacks you might use if someone asks why you’re not drinking:

  1. “I’m the designated driver for the evening.”

  2. “I’m trying to save money on drinks.”

  3. “I’m training for a marathon…of sobriety.”

  4. “I’m trying to avoid the morning-after regrets.”

  5. “I’m the life of the party, and I don’t need alcohol to prove it.”

  6. “I’m trying to set a good example for my imaginary children.”

  7. “I prefer to remember all the embarrassing things I do tonight.”

  8. “I’m trying to avoid a repeat of that time I danced on the bar and sang ‘I will survive’ at the top of my lungs.”

It’s important to remember that you don’t need to justify or explain your choices to others, you can simply say something like: “I prefer not to drink tonight” or ” I am good thank you” and move on with the conversation.

Want to get a bit snarkier?

Here are a few snarky comebacks you might use if someone asks why you’re not drinking, but please keep in mind that these are meant in jest, and that it’s important to be respectful and kind to others, even when they may be prying or being insistent.

  1. “I prefer to have all my brain cells functioning tonight, thank you.”

  2. “I have a feeling I’ll regret it tomorrow, and I’m trying to cut back on my regrets.”

  3. “I’m trying to avoid my ‘bad decisions’ list growing any longer.”

  4. “I’m not drinking because I’m sober and I want to avoid any bad decisions like talking to you.”

  5. “I prefer to keep my dignity intact, and alcohol and I have a complicated relationship.”

  6. “I’m trying to avoid a repeat performance of my karaoke rendition of ‘I Will Always Love You’.”

  7. “I prefer not to lose control tonight, and I think alcohol is overrated anyway.”

  8. “I’m trying to avoid a hangover tomorrow and a potential trip to the ER.”

Again, please remember that everyone is entitled to make their own choices about alcohol consumption and others should respect that. And if you’re not in a mood for a witty comeback, you can always simply say “No thank you, I prefer not to drink” and move on.

Want to respond like Chris Farley would?

Here are a few comebacks in the style of Chris Farley, the comedian and actor known for his over-the-top and physical comedy, If someone asks why you’re not drinking:

  1. “I’m tryna keep a clear head tonight, ’cause I got a lotta stuff to do tomorrow, like laundry and eatin’ my weight in ice cream.”

  2. “I ain’t drinking ’cause I wanna remember all the wild stories from tonight, not just pieces of ’em.”

  3. “I’m tryna save some money tonight, and I heard drinking ain’t cheap.”

  4. “I’m the designated driver, and the only thing I’m drivin’ is my own sober self home.”

  5. “I’m trying to avoid the walk of shame tomorrow, ain’t nobody got time for that.”

  6. “I’m trying to avoid a repeat of that time I ended up in a karaoke battle with a llama.”

  7. “I’m trying to avoid a hangover, ain’t nobody got time for that headache.”

  8. “I’m tryna save my liver, cause it’s been through enough.”

Please keep in mind that the comebacks here are meant to be humorous, but also remember that even while being playful, it’s important to respect that everyone has the right to make their own choices about alcohol consumption and that others should respect those choices.

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