What the F%$@ Does “Will” Even Mean?!

I hated hearing the words “God’s will” & “self-will” when I first came into AA. Ugh, it made me cringe…

Luckily throughout my sobriety, I’ve gained enough humility and experience to know that this is the crux of everything. 

If you’re like me and you cringe when people use church-like lingo in meetings. I’m here to break down Step 3 (the most churchy-est of church lingo in all the steps) and tell you how I interpret it and how it became my favorite step.

Interpreted by me

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will & our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. 

Step 3 interpreted by me: I don’t know shit, I don’t run the show, I don’t tell people how to act, all I do in life is find ways to make other people’s experiences better. Stop thinking about me. 

“Will” is defined as “expressing the future tense” so simply it means “what we do”. 

So, what I do is not run my life on my own selfish plans, schemes, ideas, and thoughts anymore. Most of the time what I think I know and what I think I want is not even close to what I’ll gain if I let go of my plan of how to get there. My plan will only take me to a finite place. Where if I trust in the Universe, in God, in Source, in the simply Higher Powers of life, what I gain is usually much more than what I could have ever imagined for myself. 

I needed a NEW experience, so I needed to do a NEW action

Every morning when I wake up, I turn my will over. And what that means is, I have a conversation with my Higher Power as if I am talking to a friend. Let me say that I NEVER wanted to do this part of AA. But I needed a NEW experience, so I needed to do NEW actions. My conversation goes, “God, Universe, all and any powers higher than me … I am giving myself to you today, for the next 24 hours of life. I trust you to guide me through my day and present me with opportunities where I can be of service and help other people in my community, for my work, my family, and friends. Please give me the freedom to think of myself as minimal as possible today and the blessing to connect with others.”

When we are directing our thinking to anything BUT ourselves, we are in alignment with the Universe, with the greater purpose of humanity which is to help others. Everything else seems to align itself along the way. 

I put him before me

Sometimes people piss us off though. For example, today I went to the grocery store. (Keep in mind the Coronavirus is going on and so grocery stores are bat shit crazy). The cashier was being a complete dick to me. I looked at it as an opportunity to use my words as actions to change his experience in that specific moment. Instead of being a dick back, I told him I appreciated him for working during such a hard time. I smiled at him and spoke in the most loving tone possible. I put him before me.

Let’s break this down a little: 

If I acted like a dick back to him, I would be reacting out of self-will because I am only thinking about how he made ME feel. 

Instead, I thought about HIM and how I could help him which is not aligned with my will and ultimately is aligned with our Higher Powers’ will. 

Freedom in not having to think of yourself 24/7

So, in simplicity in all and every situation we need to NOT think of ourselves and think of the other person and then ask what action is required to make that person’s experience better. When we do that, we are living in Step 3. The beauty of this is the freedom that comes with not having to think of yourself 24/7. I don’t know about you but when I think of myself, my problems, my stressors, my money, my issues … I go down a rabbit hole of shit and nothing good ever comes out of it. All the blessings in my life have come from turning my attention AWAY from me and to the next person. 

A multi-millionaire once said, “If you want to be a millionaire, don’t ask yourself how you can make a million dollars. Ask yourself how you can serve a million people.” 

Please ask for help.

Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

Sober Curator Pro Tip: To get started on serving those millions, check out the recovery-related nonprofits in Pay it Forward.

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