Sober Word Of The Day + Quote + Reflection From The Daily Llama For The Week of April 18 – 22, 2022

The Daily Llama, by Sober Curator Staci DesRault, brings you short, one-word meditations and a corresponding quote plus a reflection for your complete wool-being (#seewhatwedidthere?) for Monday, April 18 – Friday, April 22, 2022.

WORD OF THE DAY: JUMPING

MONDAY, APRIL 18, 2022

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility and pushing their luck!” – Author unknown

MEDITATE ON THIS:

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT for short), one of the goals is to gain proficiency in identifying unhelpful thinking patterns, and then learn how to correct them. One unhelpful thinking pattern is “jumping to conclusions,” which describes when a person comes to an opinion or assumption based on biased, minimal, or nonexistent evidence. There are essentially two ways in which we can jump to conclusions: mind-reading (thinking we know what another person thinks, feels, believes, etc.) and fortune-telling (predicting what will happen in the future and it is usually negative). Jumping to conclusions allows us to make decisions rather quickly, but unfortunately, it can also mean that the decisions we make in this way turn out to be the wrong ones. Some of the consequences of this thinking pattern include interpersonal conflicts and heightened anxiety.

We can reduce our tendency to jump to conclusions using the acronym GATE:

1.    Get the facts:  gather more information, consider the source of your information, and compare what you know with what you don’t know.

2.    Ask questions:  before assuming you know what someone else is thinking, ask them. Usually, misunderstandings occur because of a breakdown in communication.

3.    Take another look:  consider how the situation may appear from the perspective of another person.

4.    Explore another explanation:  Ask yourself, is there another explanation that also makes sense?

Just remember: don’t JUMP the GATE.

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is Adult Autism Awareness Day, Easter Monday (Christian), National Animal Crackers Day, National Lineman Appreciation Day, National Velociraptor Awareness Day, and Tax Day.

WORD OF THE DAY: CATASTROPHIZING

TUESDAY, APRIL 19, 2022

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“It can be easy to get swept up into catastrophizing the situation once your thoughts become negative. When you begin predicting doom and gloom, remind yourself that there are many other potential outcomes.” -Amy Morin

MEDITATE ON THIS:

Catastrophizing, also sometimes called magnification, is the tendency to blow things out of proportion. It is a thinking pattern that can lead people to assume the worst of situations and people and has the added bonus of doubling as a defense mechanism. The challenging thing about catastrophizing is that most people may not be aware when they are doing it, and also they are the only ones who have the ability to know for certain whether their fear or pain is exaggerated. It is not our place to determine if another person is catastrophizing because the experience of pain is subjective. No matter how empathic we think we may be, we only ever feel our own pain, not anybody else’s.

If you think you may have a tendency to catastrophize, you can work on changing this thinking pattern by reminding yourself that there are often many potential outcomes, strategies, or choices at hand. Additionally, you can also remind yourself of all the times your worst fears did not come true.

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is National Garlic Day and Wear Pajamas to Work Day.

WORD OF THE DAY: MINIMIZING

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 2022

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad.” -John Green

MEDITATE ON THIS:

Minimizing is often used to describe what a person does when they are in denial about how much they may be drinking or using. But very rarely does the conversation explore where minimizing gets started. We may have learned to minimize our drinking because along the way we were taught to minimize our pain because our emotions and/or experiences were minimized by others. Whether they minimized our feelings out of disinterest, inconvenience, narcissism or learned behavior doesn’t matter, because the impact remains the same. “It didn’t hurt that much.” “What are you crying about?” “It’s no big deal, why are you so upset?” “Don’t make such a mountain out of a molehill.” “Oh come on, snap out of it.” “You’re always so sensitive about things.”

If our primary caregivers were not great at emotional attunement (i.e., not only noticing how we feel but also being able to respond to our feelings effectively), there was nowhere for our pain to go and be seen. It turns out the magical kiss on the boo-boo really does take the pain away:  it eases our emotional pain when we experience our pain being seen and validated. When we don’t get seen and don’t get validated, we eventually learn how to minimize or detach from our feelings and our needs. “If I don’t think about it as important, I don’t have to feel the pain of loss when I don’t get it.” But then we also learn to minimize the feelings and needs of others, contributing to the struggles we have in maintaining intimacy and trust in relationships as others experience us as self-centered and uncaring.

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is National Banana Day, National Look-Alike Day, National Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day, Lima Bean Respect Day, Chinese Language Day, and National Cheddar Fries Day.

WORD OF THE DAY: EMOTIONAL REASONING

THURSDAY, APRIL 21, 2022

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“Emotion without reason lets people walk all over you; reason without emotion is a mask for cruelty.”  -Nalini Singh

MEDITATE ON THIS:

Emotional reasoning is a type of unhelpful thinking pattern that convinces us that the way we feel is actually how things are. For example, I woke up feeling anxious, so I believe today is going to be a horrible day. I feel upset by what someone said, so I believe they are treating me unfairly. I feel inadequate, so I believe I will never get that job. Nobody wants to date me so I feel that I am unlovable. Emotional reasoning leads to thinking that our feelings are facts or hard evidence of the things that we fear. We use emotional reasoning to make excuses for our behavior (e.g., I am angry at him so he must deserve it), or we interpret our feelings to be signs or proof (e.g., I am distrusting my partner so they must be untrustworthy).

We free ourselves from this unhelpful way of thinking when we remind ourselves that feelings are not facts, and when we work on examining the evidence for our beliefs. Our feelings are important in figuring out what is happening around us, but they are not the whole picture. As someone wise once said, “Feelings are like toddlers. You don’t want them driving the car, but you can’t lock them up in the trunk either.”

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is National Bulldogs are Beautiful Day, National Chocolate Covered Cashews Day, National High Five Day, National Kindergarten Day, National Tea Day, National Yellow Bat Day, and Tiradentes Day.

WORD OF THE DAY: SHOULD-ING

FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2022

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

“Should is a futile word. It’s about what didn’t happen. It belongs in a parallel universe. It belongs in another dimension of space.” -Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

MEDITATE ON THIS:

Thinking in terms of “should”, “ought” or “must” can lead us to feel anxious, panicked, angry, self-righteous, or even hopeless. It leaves us looking at the closed door of what has not happened or will not happen. When we “should” on ourselves, it can lead us to feel bad about ourselves and demotivate us:  I should be thinner. I should be more successful. I shouldn’t make mistakes. I must not show weakness. When we “should” on others, it can lead us to feel chronically disappointed or resentful:  They should have called me on my birthday. My boss should have noticed my hard work. That person should have shown me respect. Staying in a mindset of “should” can keep us from feeling the peace of heart that comes from accepting things as they are, and can stand in the way of us actually making improvements about whatever situation is causing us pain. If we could improve our mental and physical health through fear and guilt, we would have done so by now.

It turns out one of the best ways to feel happier in life involves not “shoulding” all over ourselves and others, but accepting this world as it is and not how we would like it to be.

The Daily Llama Fun Fact of the Day:

Today is Day of Silence (LGBTQIA), Earth Day, National Jelly Bean Day, and Orthodox Good Friday.

THE CARD DIVO: Each week Actor, Comic, Host, Patient Leader, Spiritual Mentor, and Sober Curator Daniel G Garza AKA The Card Divo will bring us quick-hitting and intuitive horoscopes for sober people on the go.

Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

Resources are available

Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

The post Sober Word Of The Day + Quote + Reflection From The Daily Llama For The Week of April 18 – 22, 2022 appeared first on The Sober Curator.