SOBER SPOTLIGHT: Candice Pauley – Faith First, New Momma, Wife, Social Worker, & Mental Health Advocate

Today we are shining the Sober Spotlight on Candice Pauley, new momma, wife, social worker and mental health advocate. Getting sober is never easy, especially not in the middle of a global pandemic for a first time mama. Earlier this year I had the opportunity to sit down and Zoom with Candice and hear her story.

Candice’s sobriety date is November 29th, 2020. She’s 31 and a full time working mom. She has her Masters in Social Work and previously worked at a treatment center. Candice spoke openly about her struggles with alcohol from the young age of 13. She was always a binge drinker. Although she never drank daily, she has no doubt it could get to that point if she’s not careful. Moderation is an issue for her. Me too, Candice, me too.

Her last blackout was at a friends house watching a fight. She always knew she needed to stop drinking. Alcoholism runs in her family. Candice shared how emotional and sensitive she can be. Depression, boredom, excitement, she can use anything as an excuse to drink.

Black Outs – They’re No Joke

When she first started blacking out, it scared her. But the more frequently it happened over the years, the more normalized it became to her. She admits to driving in a black out, which terrified her after the fact. “I had no idea that I could still be so functional in the middle of a black out.” Her husband made many threats about the drinking and his strong desires that she stop. Candice loves the social aspect of drinking and throwing parties. She knew giving it up was the right thing to do, but knowing it and doing it are two different things.

As time went on, her husband made if very clear he wanted her to stop and when she finally did, it was clear that drinking with her was an activity he would not miss. Candice talked to me about how much he hated drinking with her. He’d have to babysit her to make sure she wouldn’t wander off. Lying and sneaking drinks became part of who she was and she would say really inappropriate things. Thankfully she never hurt anyone physically. “I was hospitalized for my drinking once and tried to make a joke about how unresponsive I was. No one thought it was funny.”

At the time of this interview, Candice was nearing her 90 day mark alcohol-free and getting ready to go on her first girls trip without the baby and without alcohol. “Covid has been such a kick in the dick” she said with a laugh. Winter, ice storms, lockdowns, stuck at home, sometimes without power. “The mommy juice culture glorifies young moms rights to their daily wine intake.” We talked openly about how much merchandise is out there these days that glamorizes the activity of drinking. That for many. it does not end up being glamorous at all.

Staying Sober on NYE 2021

Candice talked about celebrating New Years Eve sober. Her and her husband were staying at a hotel for a wedding. “I remember the entire night!” she exclaimed with a chuckle. She talked to me about logging on to her zoom meeting from the hallway of the hotel and how proud she was for not making an ass of herself like she normally would have. “I felt good. My husband didn’t have any reasons to get mad at me. I had fun, enjoyed the food, and I didn’t spend my entire night in the drink line. Bonus! I didn’t piss the bed!” LOL Candice is my kind of gal. I related to her on so many levels.

Candice has found that sharing openly about her journey on social media has helped her with accountability. It feels good when people reach out to her asking questions or simply showing her their support. She’s kept years of secrets and that isn’t who she wants to be anymore. Candice talked about not remembering her wedding and many other big life moments she wished she would have been sober at. Society tells you that drinking needs to be part of every milestone and to use it to mourn every loss. Being present, however, is so much more powerful and memorable.

She talked about how much planning went into her drinking. What she was going to wear, what she was going to drink. Not to mention all of the hangover planning. “I loved to buy all of the hangover products. Gatorade, pills, you name it, I’d buy it. I already knew I’d have to call into work sick the next day. It was all so exhausting.”

Her Life Now

First and foremost, Candice is one proud mama. And looking at her adorable little Gerber baby, you can certainly see why. He is a hunka-hunka burning love. When she’s not covering this little munchkin in kisses, Candice loves to ski, four wheel, and go on date nights with her hubby.

Candice went through a very serious period of postpartum depression that included a few psychotic episodes that scared her almost as much as the blackouts did. With her background in social work, she talked about how familiar she should have been, that she should have seen the signs. But she didn’t realize how bad it was while she was in the middle of it. Candice knew she didn’t want a divorce or to risk losing her child and she had to really put in the work to get through that incredibly difficult period of time. When all else fails, Candice trusts in her higher power, which she chooses to call God, to see her through her difficult times.

Q & A with Candice Pauley:

What’s your favorite alcohol-free bevie of choice? I’m a Diet Coke girl, no doubt about it. I also drink a ton of water and enjoy my coffee with sweet creamers.

What’s a piece of advice you’d give to someone else that is newly sober? Get a sponsor or a mentor early on and read the Big Book. Women in recovery want to help and they do it freely and without judgement. It’s really kind of incredible.

What’s your go-to social media platform and who do you love to follow? I am OBSESSED with Instagram. I love the Sober Mom Squad, The Sober Curator, Sober Girl Society, Sober Mom Tribe, and Sober Celebrities. 

Do you have a nonprofit that is particularly close to your heart? Yes. The PostPartum Support International

 What’s your guilty pleasure? Sugar! Milkshakes! And I really love the Chick-fil-a Oreo Milkshake

Favorite Musician? I love Tyler Childers. His jam is country/folk music and he’s from Kentucky. He’s also newly sober and loves 90s country and bluegrass.

Tips to someone thinking about being public with their sobriety? I’m a big people pleaser – do it if it helps you. Don’t do it if it doesn’t. But you don’t have to really care what other people think, but do use discretion.

Sober Spotlight – Could you be next? Or maybe you know someone that you think is doing incredible things in recovery and needs a little time to shine in the spotlight. Email us at [email protected] or DM us on social media.

Resources are available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

Resources are available – if you need them, use them!

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

The post SOBER SPOTLIGHT: Candice Pauley – Faith First, New Momma, Wife, Social Worker, & Mental Health Advocate appeared first on The Sober Curator.