Sober Spotlight: Lauren McQ, the Scottish Brains and Beauty Behind @brutalrecovery Meme IG Account & Co-Host of the New Hit Podcast Brutal Vulnerability

January 11, 2022

Get ready to fall in love with your new favorite sober gal! This week’s Sober Spotlight features Lauren McQ, the brains and beauty behind the Brutal Recovery aka @brutalrecovery Instagram meme account, and the Co-Host of the new hit podcast Brutal Vulnerability. Nearly 77K+ people have followed this entertaining and sassy Scottish gal on IG when this post was published. Before you race off to scroll through her IG feed and double tap almost everything, take a few minutes to get to know the woman behind the screen.

I came to cross paths with Lauren by way of Rebecca Rush, Comedian, Writer. Fun fact, Rebecca recently added Senior Editor at The Sober Curator to her long list of accolades. We’ve featured Rebecca in our Sober Spotlight section, which you can read here. And she also is our show host and producer for the line-up of comedians at our monthly Sober Comedy show at SOBER POP on the Clubhouse App. Rebecca is the other Co-Host with Lauren producing the Brutal Vulnerability podcast. A recovery podcast where they talk about the things polite ladies don’t discuss.

Sober Spotlight Q&A with Lauren McQ of Brutal Recovery IG + Brutal Vulnerability podcast

What’s your Sobriety Date?

March 6th, 2018

Favorite Non-Alcoholic Beverage of Choice?

Diet Coke is my go-to for EVERYTHING, and I also like the options from Three Spirit

What’s your favorite #QUITLIT Book?

Ohhhhhh, there are so many to choose from. Can I choose two? I loved Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs and Liars Club by Mary Karr. I read both of them while I was working on my fourth step, and both evoked a big awakening for me.

What advice do you have for someone new to recovery?

I think about this all of the time. I expected so much of myself in the beginning. Since the age of 19, I’ve tried and failed at getting sober. Sure, I would get a month here or a few weeks there, but it wasn’t sticking. I thought I needed to be perfect and have it all figured out. Then, I would get a case of the fuck it’s, assuming I must be broken or flawed and that recovery was inaccessible to me. The advice I would give someone new is that it doesn’t have to be all worked out initially. Give yourself the grace of being ok with imperfection. Tell people when you’re struggling.

With so many people being public with their recoveries these days, which is excellent, it’s also essential to be careful not to perform recovery. There’s a difference between performing recovery and working on your recovery. You’ve got to check your ego.

How does your recovery benefit your career?

I could write a book about this. I’m an opera singer, a performer. Before getting sober, I can remember having the biggest job of my life and walking out onto the stage and thinking, “FUCK! It didn’t work.” Even with all of the applause, it wasn’t enough. My dressing room and rock bottoms were one and the same. I got my dream role about nine or ten months into my recovery. After nine years of performing opera, I was connecting with the music.

It was terrifying in many ways. If I fucked up this time, I wouldn’t be able to blame being blacked out. As an expert in self-sabotage, I was fearful of getting sober and what that would look like. By participating in active recovery, I’ve learned that my job allows me, as a musician, to add to society by spreading love and joy into the world. I used to leave a trail of destruction behind me, and now that trail looks different. As long as I keep showing up, I’m in a great space to accept that my career will look different now.

How has recovery impacted your family life?

OMG, I was not close to my family when I was in active addiction. I thought the more I let them love me, the more I would let them down. Scared of them seeing me for who I was, I always knew I was an alcoholic. These people who love me will see what I fail and I can’t let them into that space. I hated who I was so much and moved to America when I was 21. The change in the geography made it harder for them to access me, which I wanted, but I still hated who I was, just in a different place. Geographical moves didn’t fix any of my issues.

These days, I’m not disappointing my family anymore. All they ever wanted was access to me, and now we have a relationship where I get to show them who I am. We’ve had profound breakthroughs in our relationships, which I attribute to actively working the amends process. Just a few weeks back, I had to call my dad just to say hi for the sake of saying hi and ask how the sheep were. After talking about sheep farming for 20 minutes, he asked if I had anything to report, and I told him simply, “I’m happy.” He told me that’s all he’s ever wanted for me.

My relationships with my brother and sister are also greatly improved. I exposed my sister to things she should have never seen. Now she tells me, “Please, don’t stop doing AA or whatever it is that is working for you.” Once you get on the other side of the hard stuff, there is just so much goodness and healing that comes in recovery.

Let’s talk selfie-care. What do you do to take time for yourself?

The words self-care give me feelings of disgust. I like to abdicate responsibility by being dependent on other people, a martyr, or a workaholic. I don’t need self-care because I’m so strong. Self-care is for people that need bath bombs. It’s tough for me to focus on non-destructive restorative acts, but I love myself enough to invest time in my wellbeing. So here’s how that shows up for me; doing my taxes, working on spreadsheets, going to that meeting I don’t want to go to. I’m a yoga practitioner who loves to get her nails done and is learning to reach out to other people when I need help. I have a natural tendency to isolate myself. My default is to be alone because “I don’t want to bother other people.” Also, I drink lots of h2O and, of course, diet cokes!

Going public with your recovery can be intimidating. What tips or benefits do you have to share?

Boundaries. I would say that boundaries are essential. I’ve made many mistakes along the way, and I’m confident I’ll make more. Remember that being in recovery on the internet does not mean that everyone gets equal access to you. Just because people weigh in with their ideas doesn’t mean you have to engage with them. I don’t need to defend myself to anyone. And, I try and share from a place of being helpful. If someone is attacking me or my recovery, I do not have to engage. I protect my location and various parts of my identity. I believe in privacy around my 12 step work. My recovery is sacred to me. It’s the most important thing in my life.

The quieter parts of my recovery that are less flashy and less caption-able than what I put out on the internet need to be protected. I try to remember to put my oxygen mask on first, and I take a lot of inventory. I’ll bring up performing recovery again. If you’re performing your recovery vs. working it, it’s time to check your intentions. (lol, which circles back to inventory)

If you could go backwards and give your newly sober self some advice, what would it be?

Go to the dentist.

Is there a nonprofit you support?

I’ve been donating to food banks. I have a sponsee who works at a local food bank, and she explained to me what people really want is chocolate and tampons. So, that’s what I donate. Community and giving back are essential to me; I’m an Aquarius. I hope to play a role in eliminating the homeless population in London. And then I remember I need to have the courage to change the things I can and just keep paying it forward.

SOBER POP Culture Lightning Round!

What is your favorite guilty pleasure?

Desperate Housewives is a work of art and it should be recognized as such. I also love a kabab, mmm so filthy and indulgent. And chocolate. Always, chocolate.

Favorite Pop Culture moment

Can I answer the entire 2000’s? Such a great time to be alive. And memes. Memes are so pop culture. Now is a pretty great time to be alive as well. We’ve had a front-row seat of Britney getting emancipated, Paris Hilton getting married, and even Lindsay Lohan getting her career back. I’m here for all of it! Do you want to keep talking about Desperate Housewives?

Favorite Sober Celeb or Sober Musician?

Kristin Davis and Florence and the Machine.

What’s on your playlist right now?

You’re Wrong About podcast, Scottish indie music and sad dad rock, and mountain goats.

Favorite Movie or TV Series that has addiction as part of the storyline?

BoJack Horseman. Even though I wasn’t ready for recovery when I started watching this series, I could relate to the parts where he talked about what a piece of shit he was and how the characters were destroying themselves. Now when I watch it sober, it’s a way for me to connect to the madness of it all. And thankfully, my perspectives have shifted. I think about what it would be like to sponsor them and talk them through their endless mistakes.

Ok, let’s get spiritual. What’s your practice?

Meditation is a non-negotiable for me. I’m currently taking the Course in Miracles. I tried it before when I wasn’t ready. (At the time of this interview, Lauren was on day 255.) Thanks to a break-up and life stuff, I was just desperate enough to try it again. Each day I start with a reading, then do the day’s lesson. In just five minutes, you can set the course of your day on the right path. In total, it takes 15 minutes a day, which includes silent meditation. I visualize a river going by, and that my thoughts are the leaves on the river. I observe them, let them go, and write a question to God asking what he wants me to know. Then, I listen. Intently.

Do you have a favorite place to travel or vacation sober?

Well, I’ve done a lot of drunk traveling in Russia, Italy, and America. I remember flying to Berlin; I was probably around a year sober and wondered if I was still an alcoholic in a plane? Travel is thorny for me due to my struggles with anxiety. I’m working on finding new happiness and learning to give up control. I was still drinking when I visited Italy, and I never left my hotel room. Isn’t that sad? When I visited Seattle (sober), I went out and saw things. I loved the Museum of Pop Culture! Only in recovery do I fulfill the experiences of travel to their fullest. When I travel now, I simply focus on being where I am at that moment.

Anything else you think our readers would want to know?

I have a Patreon account where you can access some of my more intimate content, like creative writing and memes. You know, things I want to say, but I can’t post on IG. I also teach a singing course in relationship to breathing. I help people use breath as a way to get comfortable with their bodies, finding safety within themselves and listening to what the body is saying.

Want to follow along with Lauren McQ in all of the digital places and social spaces?

Recovery Podcastland: Brutal Vulnerability – A Brand New Recovery Podcast About Things That Nice Ladies Don’t Discuss

Brutal Vulnerability Podcast With Lauren McQ & Rebecca Rush Brings A Three Course Episode on Eating Disorders

SOBERSCRIBE & BE ENTERED TO WIN!

Resources are available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

Resources are available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

Reply

or to participate.