Witty and Sarcastic Comebacks & One-Liners For When People Ask Why We’re Not Drinking

July 26, 2021

Here is a recap of the Sober Pop Tips on one-liners and witty comebacks for when people ask us why we aren’t drinking. Bring on the snark or practice being the best version of your sober self – you decide! Notes as discussed in the SOBER POP Tips Room on the Clubhouse App on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021 hosted by Martha Duke, Brandon Page, and Alysse Bryson

One-Liners, Zingers, and Clever Comebacks – FUNNY

  • The classic “I’m Allergic I break out in Handcuffs”

  • “I’m the designated driver…for my life.”

  • “Oh, no thank you. I’m all or nothing, and tonight it’s nothing.”

  • “My DR. told me to lay off.  Apparently, the liver is an organ you need or something? Who knew?!?!?”

  • “I would, but it looks like you don’t have enough.”

  • “Oh, no thank you. It makes me blackout and sleep with strangers.”

  • “Everyone in life gets a limit of drugs and alcohol. I used all of mine and half of yours before I turned 30. But hey, thanks anyway!

  • “No thank you, I don’t want to blackout and pee on the dance floor tonight. These are new jeans.”

  • “Honestly, I was too good at drinking and I decided to quit and give someone else a chance at the title.”

  • “The hot mess express doesn’t stop here anymore.”

  • “Oh I would, but I’m following J’Lo’s beauty regimen. Can you believe she’s 50?” (And also dating Ben Affleck again. Is it 2002 all over again?)

  • “I prefer to eat my calories, so where’s that cake?”

  • “I’m doing INSERT Month here (Dry July, Sober October, Dry January)”

  • “I gave it up for Lent.”

  • “Mmmm I would, but I have a really busy year ahead and I really can’t deal with going to jail again anytime soon.”

One-Liners, Zingers, and Clever Comebacks – PRACTICAL

  • (Honesty is the best policy) “I’m sober, I’m an alcoholic in recovery.”

  • “I have a big presentation tomorrow.”

  • “I’m on a cleanse.”

  • “Alcohol gives me headaches.”

  • “I’m picking up my kids later.”

SOBER POP Tips is a collaborative effort to help those new to sobriety and recovery navigate real-life situations. We’ve covered a lot of topics so far!

Check Out Previous SOBER POP Tips Topics:

SOBER POP the Playback Podcast: We love to collab with like-minded people in recovery. When you join the conversations on Wednesdays at the SOBER POP Club we record the conversations. WHY? Because the conversations always pop! But in all seriousness, we simply found that the conversations we were having on various sober pop culture topics were so informative and fun. Even if you aren’t available to attend one of our rooms in the club, you can still catch up on the conversation playback and find out what you missed.

Resources are available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

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