Making Amends: The 9th Step Amends According to Seinfeld and George Constanza – What Makes for a Good Apology? Guess What? Not This!

Whether you’ve worked a 12-step program or not, most people are aware that the 9th step amends is part of getting sober and recovering from addiction. While there are many interpretations out there for exactly how they should be done, we stumbled across some good old Seinfeld footage that shows us what not to do. This is GOLD though and very entertaining! We’re sober, not boring and we love to laugh. Special shout-out to my new friend Brett C. for texting me these clips, as I had not seen them before.

9th Step Amends: What not to do

Sober Curator Pro Tip: Love YouTube? Back in the summer of 2020, we found 16 sober YouTube channels that are worth checking out and you can read all about them here.

What the actual 9th Step Says

A few notes on step-work

Please note that there are 8 steps before this one that needs to be worked thoroughly. Preferably with another human being that has already worked the steps with someone else who has worked the steps. Are you picking up on what we are throwing down here? Guidance is key. There is lots (and lots) of work that comes before you just run around and start apologizing to people.

Sober Curator Pro Tip: You can purchase a Big Book on Amazon and find all of the resources for Alcoholics Anonymous here in our resource section.

While I’m not going to get into all of the ins and outs of how to make amends according to the 12 steps, I will share with you some tips on what I’ve learned about this process over the years. It’s not just about saying your sorry. It’s about owning undesirable behavior and then changing the way you behave. If you say you’re sorry about something and then continue to repeat the behavior, can you honestly say you’re really sorry?

Not only that, you don’t just make amends so you can feel better about yourself. This is where “don’t injure them or others” comes in. For me, the result was that I was amazed before I was halfway through this process. Relationships were restored and trust was rebuilt.

We found these clips funny

These clips are fun to watch. We’re sober, not boring and we have a good sense of humor. Hell, alcoholics love to make fun of themselves. What’s comical about this Seinfeld clip is that the average person doesn’t really understand the what and the why of this process. George thinks he’s owed an apology because Jason Hanke embarrassed him publicly over a sweater. Clearly, he has been chewing on this resentment for a while, as it affects his self-esteem. As for Jason, we don’t exactly know the ins and the outs of what’s brought him to this stage of his recovery process.

For decades, it’s been fairly common practice for AA and 12-step work to be stereotyped and even stigmatized and made fun of in mainstream entertainment, mainly movies, and films. What I am personally really happy to see is how this has evolved over the last 15 years. To be honest, I think the public-facing recovery movement is really just getting started. Get excited people! Being sober is about to be COOL! (But even if it’s not, we still love our sober life better than our old life)

Sober Curator Pro Tip: Our new sober friend in Canada already knows this when she started her organization Sober is the New Cool.

Guess what? We’ve featured her story and you can read all about it here. There’s also Recovery is the New Black and the Sober Spotlight we did on its founder Michelle Smith.

Normalizing sobriety

“Normalizing sobriety” is a key phrase I see these days, especially in places like Sober Instagram and Sober TikTok. To be honest, we kicked it around as a tagline for The Sober Curator but decided it felt too politically charged and not representative of what we strive to do. As a recovered alcoholic, that phrase feels weird to say out loud. Nothing about my alcoholism and addiction felt normal. But that’s not really what this phrase means. (in my opinion)

To normalize sobriety really means removing the stigma. Not only that, it is making it more acceptable to face these struggles publicly. Many companies of medium and large sizes offer help and resources to their employees. That said, we have a long way to go. Arguments still happen in social media feeds and living rooms across the nation, fixing an alcoholic or addict has so much more to do than just finding some “willpower”. Just because I can’t pee on a stick or give a sample of blood to prove I have the disease of addiction, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist inside me. It very much does. And it is progressive and life-threatening. Over time, it gets worse, not better.

We are in a mental health crisis unlike anything we have ever seen

As we closed out the historic 2020 calendar year, articles everywhere were talking about what a mental health crisis the world is currently facing. According to this article by the Washington Post, one in five adults in the U.S. struggles with a mental illness like depression, bipolar disorder, or PTSD. It helps that the National Institutes of Health now identifies addiction as a mental illness – substance abuse disorder. But the national opioid crisis has only increased the burden on mental health providers around the country. Sobering stats to be sure.

So what do we do about it? Well, that answer is complex and not an easy problem to solve. What would happen if one in five people started volunteering for recovery nonprofits? Can you even imagine what we could accomplish?

Personally, I’ve just started getting involved in the Washington Recovery Alliance and the King County Recovery Coalition. If you live in another state, try and find these types of organizations or even other well-known recovery nonprofits to get involved with. I just completed 6 years of service on the board of the Recovery Café in Seattle. It was by far some of the most rewarding volunteer work I’ve been involved in my sobriety.  You can also check out our Pay it Forward recovery nonprofit resource guide for other ways to get involved.

Sober not boring

As for the work we are doing at The Sober Curator, our goal is to be a resource for those seeking content related to recovery or a zero-proof lifestyle. We love showing you how to get plugged in with the latest swag, merch, podcasts, books, movies, fashion, music, and events. It is so fun for us to prove that sobriety and life without alcohol are never boring!

We hope you will check back often as our Sober Curators are constantly pumping out new content that we are finding in all kinds of places. See something you love? We hope you will share great sobriety content with like-minded peeps in your network. Interested in becoming a Sober Curator? Then we def want to hear from you! Email us at [email protected] or DM us on our social media channels. Until we meet again, stay sober…because drunk never looks good!

For the love of sweaters!

After all this sweater talk, you didn’t think we’d leave you hanging without curating a few sweaters we want to #ADDTOCART did you?

#ADDTOCART SWEATERS

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Resources Are Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing difficulties surrounding alcoholism, addiction, or mental illness, please reach out and ask for help. People everywhere can and want to help; you just have to know where to look. And continue to look until you find what works for you. Click here for a list of regional and national resources.

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