I started my writing career in the pandemic, when mid-week, zoom-based wine parties were the norm. Drinking was the only thing I did for fun. As a remote writer for a marketing agency, locked down in an unhappy relationship with my ex-partner and his two kids, I felt stuck in a domestic trap—a cycle of working at my desk, then clocking off with a glass of wine, rum, or anything I could get. Black out, wake up, repeat. Not every day, but enough days to feel like I was losing my grasp on my future and my sense of self.

I soon left that relationship, but the habits I picked up to cope weren’t so easy to shed. Two years later, I had everything I’d been longing for. I’d moved up to a higher-paid position at the agency, I was in a much happier, healthier relationship and I was in the process of buying a flat. But I still couldn’t stop relying on a rum and coke, or nine, at the end of a stressful day. I’d wake up with a banging headache, and often have to throw up, before another day of client calls and churning out article after ebook after report.

I started to attend strings of Christmas parties and post-work drinks in Central London pubs during my (drinking) career. So far, I hadn’t yet behaved in a way that raised too many eyebrows. But I felt like it was only a matter of time. By sheer luck, there had always been one person in the room who took the limelight with their alcohol-fuelled hijinks. I knew it wouldn’t be long before that one person was me. 

I’d been listening to podcasts about sobriety, aware of my own unhealthy habits, since I was 20. Shout out to the Dopey podcast for holding up the mirror every week, even if I wasn’t ready to look in it. After 6 years, I decided to do something about it. That “something” couldn’t just be cutting down. I had to follow the path of all of the brave people on the podcasts, put down the drink and find a better way to deal with life’s ups and downs. 

I had my last drink on the 26th May 2023. I dove headfirst into the world of sobriety, following just about every Instagram account I could find, reading blogs and, of course, listening to more podcasts. What I didn’t expect is that the lessons I’ve learned in early sobriety would help me feel more confident and competent in my career and in life in general than ever before.

I learned to make a getaway plan if I was at an event that revolved around alcohol. To reach out to a friend the second a quiet voice in my head said, “I could just have one.” I learned to write gratitude lists, swap bars for the gym and connect with people who were following a similar path. Most of all, I learned that there is nothing that one or one hundred drinks would make easier. 

Now, I can go to a work event, a colleague’s leaving dinner, a conference with an open bar, and not get swept away by the madness. I can get the train home, go to bed before 3am, and wake up still remembering everything I learned and laughed about the night before. And then I can log on to work on time, without the pounding head and sense of dread that became too common for comfort in the last year of my drinking. The clarity and peace that giving up alcohol gifted me is priceless.

Something that I didn’t expect to happen after deciding to become sober is the construction and cultivation of my boundaries. Working for a range of clients requires you to be a people pleaser at best, a yes man at worst. A couple of months ago, when I had a writing project of >5000 words with a 24-hour turnaround, I got to put my new understanding of boundaries into practice. I did the work—there wasn’t much I could do about that. But after feeling the stress of the demand, I approached my managers and told them how hard it was, and how I felt things could change in a future project like this. And what happened? They listened, they sympathised and, crucially, they reduced my workload.

If I was still drinking, there’s no doubt that when I clocked out late on that Friday evening, I would have spent the next five hours drinking to forget and the next two days recovering. Worse, I wouldn’t have said a thing about it to the people who could help. Now that I understand myself better, and want to create the conditions in which I can succeed, I know when I need to say something. And people are a lot more open to constructive, well-intended feedback or concerns than you might expect.

While I’m still learning what it means to be a successful writer in the tech world, I’m on my way to reaching that vision. I started my next role as a Senior Writer in early November, and I couldn’t be surer that it was getting sober that allowed me to prove to myself and my managers that I deserve it.

About Eve Michell:

Eve is a UK-based writer for a tech content agency, co-editor for indie publisher EXIT Press and editor for Neurodiversity in Business. Follow on IG @evemichelley

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The post From Self-Sabotage to Showing Up as My Best Self: How Early Sobriety Transformed My Career appeared first on The Sober Curator.