5 Principles to Face Your Pain and Change the World

Do you feel powerless? Does it seem like the world is spinning out of control, divided now more than ever, and there’s nothing you can do to stop the train from coming off the tracks? Fear not, my friends, you have more power than you think! But it’s going to take a bit of work on your part.

The following five principles, although not easy to implement but extremely rewarding, will help you to step into your power, shift your energy, and heal the world. Each principle involves rigorous honesty, time spent in self-reflection, and a steadfast willingness to heal yourself. Once healed, a desire to connect with others pain, and joy, with love and compassion will ripple out like a pebble in a pond, bringing peace to the world.

Self-Love

I’m not talking about buying a new top, taking a vacation, or getting a mani-pedi. Those things are lovely, but they won’t do the trick when it comes to self-love. Temporarily filling the void, quick fixes provide an addictive blast of dopamine, then it fades, leaving us empty once again. True self-love comes after acknowledging, embracing, and accepting ALL of you.

Focusing on the parts of you that you love (a.k.a. giving yourself affirmations) is essential for the process. However, pure self-love involves seeking and witnessing the parts of you that you don’t love (or even remotely like). It also involves the ability to sit in the discomfort for as long as it takes to find compassion for these parts and to bring this feeling deep into your heart. Without judgment of these unsavory characteristics, an open heart abounds, and you can send love to all of your parts—the lovely and the unlovely. This creates a stabilizing sense of emotional security, a necessary element in the self-love process.

Humility

Humble and kind. We hear these words a lot, and they sound great. Most of us think we are humble and kind but are we really? Are we stepping into this loving energy on a consistent basis, often enough to bring the needed change our souls and the planet deserve?

Entering interactions and situations with a humble attitude creates the open mind needed to engage in thoughtful conversations where others feel seen, heard, and worthy. The world will not move forward in a healthy direction when people hold fast to the notion that they are “right.” This attitude makes others feel like their ideas and feelings are wrong. It makes people feel unvalued. We become defensive, shut down, and harden our positions even more when we feel like the person we are speaking with does not respect our intellect, experience, and wisdom. At an impasse, we give up and remain stuck in our respective “right” corners, the energy of separation and division the only victor.

Each of us has something to contribute to this life and we can learn from everyone. Admitting we don’t have all the answers makes space for humble, kind connection, and this is the place where minds and hearts open; it creates a middle ground. Listening to and joining all ideas together to find a solution is key to progressing in the right direction.

Healing Childhood Wounds

Trauma, grief, and other emotional pain that occurs in childhood become rooted in our core, and it takes strength, determination, and resilience to heal. By strength, I don’t mean muscling through or soldiering on. Strength is the ability to be vulnerable enough to face and feel the pain as many times as possible in order to release it.

Trauma is not healed by reliving it. It is healed by rewiring neural pathways and there are many techniques available to heal, such as somatic healing, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy), EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique), and a hypnotherapy process called RRT (Rapid Resolution Therapy), among others. Trauma is stored in the brain; therefore, the brain must be healed. A healed brain coupled with a healed soul is an unbeatable prescription for emotional freedom.

A piece of your wholeness was stolen when these painful events occurred, and a wound was left in its wake. Healing this pain by rewiring neural pathways and continually showering yourself with intrinsic love will deliver you one step closer to whole. Merging your peaceful spirit with the loving force of the universe creates an unshakable foundation for connection. No longer seeking the savior who was not there to protect you in childhood, you become your own savior. Safe and protected, you are free to live and love wholeheartedly—the main component in deep and meaningful connection with yourself and the world around you.

Compassion Forgiveness

Resentment is the thief of connection. It tears apart friendships, marriages, businesses, and nations with the intensity of a Cat-5 hurricane bearing down on a tropical island. Unlike the disaster-struck island, many of these relationships will never rebuild themselves.  

Compassion forgiveness is the process of releasing a person from blame by sincerely believing they did the best they could, based on their mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity as a result of learned experience. Truly believing, deep in your soul, that if a person could have done better, they would have, releases us from personalizing their actions. It automatically removes the victim mentality because we understand a person’s behavior is never about us. Their behavior is always a reflection of what’s going on inside of them. Always.

This perception is not about letting anyone off the hook, a person must remain accountable regardless of how much compassion or understanding we have for he/she. Compassion forgiveness is not about the other person (on the surface; your healing affects them on an energetic plane). It’s about you and your ability to grow love and compassion inside of you. It’s about experiencing the boost of self-worth that comes after you let go of resentment with grace. Personal and spiritual growth of this magnitude will heal your energy, which then echoes into the world, fostering honest, vulnerable connection with others.

Impermanence

The Buddhist concept of Impermanence states that nothing is forever. The only everlasting part of you is your soul. Given this, it is wise to grow your soul into the most enlightened spirit possible. Through enlightenment, you will feel connected to all things.

Enlightened people understand that the physical body and world is temporary, that all things eventually pass away; they know that the hunt for material objects and fierce attachment to people holds the power to induce fear of not getting needs met. What matters to them is character, soul growth, and a sense of oneness with all living things. When these desires take precedence over the need for worldly possessions, or unhealthy attachment to people, these souls are free to live and love with kindness, compassion, and peace in their hearts because the threat of loss is not present. They become vessels for healing, a safe haven to feel and share love.

One way in which humans seek spiritual evolution of this kind is by bridging a connection with something greater than themselves: a benevolent, universal energy who is a source of goodness for the world. This loving energy reaches others, opening the path for healthy interactions based in trust and goodwill for all.

Use these five principles to meet yourself, embrace an open mind, heal your wounds, forgive others (and yourself), and honor your soul growth, and watch your world within and the one outside of you lighten with joy, peace, and abundance for all.

Contributor: Amanda McKoy Flanagan

About Amanda McKoy Flanagan

Amanda McKoy Flanagan, LMSW—Award-winning author, podcaster, motivational speaker, and life-long spiritual seeker. A native New Yorker turned Coloradan, I blend street smarts with tree hugging for a sensible and spiritual approach to love and loss.

Co-founder of the nonprofit organization, Castle Rock Clubhouse, a recovery clubhouse providing meeting space for various 12-step programs, I’m passionate about sobriety, meditation, and connecting with others on a deep and meaningful level…

Amanda’s award-winning inspirational memoir/self-help book, Trust Yourself to Be All In: Safe to Love and Let Go is available on Amazon and on her website, amandamckoyflanagan.com.

You can find her on Instagram and Facebook @amandamckoyflanagan.

Check out Amanda’s podcast Sol Rising: All In on Love, Loss, and Connection on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, and everywhere else you listen!

Sol Rising Podcast with Amanda McKoy Flanagan

Sol Rising YouTube Channel with Amanda McKoy Flanagan

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Who: Kimberly Crowe and a host of amazing expert speakers

When: March 8, 2024

Time: 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM PST

Where: Zoom

Cost: FREE

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This summit is all online, so you can join from anywhere with internet access for free! Amanda McKoy Flanagan is just one of the many amazing expert speakers.

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